Ok, I decided to post on this topic because I have seen a lot of searches on this. I think it is something that a lot of people face and I’ve been there myself!
First, who is truly the victim in the situation? I know everyone will say “I am” immediately, but either take a look at the situation from the outside or find someone who is neutral in it and find out their true thoughts as an outsider. Put yourself on the other side … in the other person’s shoes. Are YOU still the victim?
I had to do this myself, and although I had things done behind my back and lies told about me, once I stepped into the other person’s shoes, I was able to understand their feelings. This did not erase what they did to me and it did not make my feelings insignificant, but it allowed me to understand how this person felt … at least how they felt at the very end. It did not explain or enlighten why certain actions or words were done the whole year before, but I was able to see that I was the scapegoat in the end… still am, but I have let go of the hurt and moved on from the situation and people involved. I am much wiser and at peace.
Did I forgive this person? Yes, as a matter of fact I have. This does not in any way mean that I have forgotten what happened, the pain that I was caused, or the evil that was attempted towards me … but I did forgive. It was not easy and it was not immediate, but it was necessary.
I know, you’re question now is: “How do you forgive?”
That is the #1 question and let me start by stating what works for one or some may not work for everyone! When you are in this type of situation, it is much like a grieving process: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. You may skip a stage or it may be so quick that it is not noticed, but just about any type of loss will trigger this process. Yes, I went through it and I stayed in the Anger stage longer than I care to admit! But once I reached the acceptance stage, the next step to being at peace was finally releasing everything remotely connected to the situation and allowing myself to let go.
So, what do you do when you are unable to forgive?
This is not an option. Seriously, if you want peace and you want to be happy, you must let go and move on and learn to forgive! If you do not, the feelings will consume you and you become bitter. It may take time, but forgiveness is necessary to truly move on from a hurtful experience.
Live well!
It’s like Sensei always says,”No one ever wins a fight.”
You are correct, ultimately, there must be forgiveness. Of course, forgiving the illusion or (what I think I’m seeing) first, will speed along the process.
Thank you for taking the time to write this.
You are right Bindo! Everyone sees what they want to see … and sometimes it is not always the truth! One must face the truth, face reality, to truly be able to forgive and move on.
Move on….Something I keep delaying
That is a common struggle … the key is to take it one day at a time and keep the goal of moving on in the forefront of your mind so you will continue to work towards it! When one struggles with this, I always suggest sitting in a quiet place and really thinking how this issue is effecting you and what you want and need to do to ensure your own peace – peace of mind and inner peace – so that you CAN move on!
I checked out the Llewellyn site..My reading was odd, but then that doesn’t surprise me..
Thanks for having it there
Also, thanks for the inspirational words
I live to inspire!
So, what was your reading? Do tell …